Caring for married & divorced
Photo by Foto Pettine on Unsplash
Minister’s letter – 7 May 2026
Dear Friends, since the days of Adam and Eve, relationships have been under strain. And until the day of the ultimate marriage of Christ and the Church – see Ephesians 5:31-33 and Revelation 19:6-10 – every other marriage involves two imperfect sinful people.
Now it’s better when the marriage partners are also people who have turned to Christ for forgiveness, and experience God’s transforming love, but even so Christians still struggle every day with relationships.
What can we do to care for the married and for the divorced?
We must encourage those who are married to take care of their marriage; to look not only to their own needs, but especially to the needs of their partner – practical and emotional. To get personal, I find it very easy in my busy working life to find I have far too little energy left for Karyn. This will not do, even though walking the dog together does help!
In wedding preparation with couples I talk of the importance of commitment and communication. The commitment issue is the determination to let nothing (your work, your house, your hobbies, your devices) and no one (your secretary, your mates, your children) come between you and your partner.
There is never any excuse for adultery or sex before marriage. Do not even begin to go down the path of emotional and sexual intimacy with someone you are not married to. And if you have, stop it! Seek forgiveness and help before it’s too late. (Same with pornography – if it’s a problem you may like to explore the Resist Program which is a Christian-based approach which includes an online option.)
In regards to communication, I tell engaged couples that good communication involves:
Sharing joys and sorrows (this can be hard after long days and years of familiarity);
Being willing to admit faults and seek forgiveness (not conditional ‘half-apologies’);
Speaking the truth in love (neither just bluntness nor shallow ‘niceness’).
If you have been married longer, I have a simple Marriage Enrichment Communication Exercise that I encourage couples at church to try. You can pick up your copy from me this Sunday if you wish.
What about caring for those who separate? Many years ago, I read an article published in Southern Cross from people who’d been through the experience, that was very helpful. I kept this brief summary of its suggestions were as follows…
Don’t assume anything – every story is different.
Stay relationally connected – where appropriate with both parties.
Listen well and respond to immediate need.
Offer alternative perspectives respectfully.
Acknowledge issues of relational injury.
Provide any Bible teaching or advice about divorce in the context of the gospel of salvation and grace.
Avoid negative generalisations about divorce.
Beware of times that can cause distress (e.g. Mother’s/Father’s Day as a single parent).
Find ways to meet the needs of children of single-parented families.
Don’t assume that when someone leaves your church it is an issue of faith.
Help manage community conversations (e.g. in crafting a ‘public story’ that explains events at an appropriate level of detail, especially where there is disagreement).
This important area is another reason I have been so glad for our Community Chaplain, Rob Elder, and his team of volunteers for running the DivorceCare course at the Cathedral. It’s not long before the 2026 course will wrap up. But God willing, we will run it again in 2027.
Warmly in Christ,
Sandy Grant
Dean of Sydney